and so it REALLY begins...

I am currently going through the stages of becoming a nurse (eventually in time, my masters in nursing...notice I used the word EVENTUALLY)...and I pulled my first all nighter the other night to study for ONE test that had me completely terrified. All the reviews on the test had been other classmates making 60's...I was not about to allow myself to fail! It's completely unacceptable in my mind (which can be a good thing, but also VERY bad). The torment that goes on in my mind if I fail. I tend to over-analyze it. If I fail, it's over. It's OVER. Don't scew this up. You can do it. I tend to tell myself this EVERYTIME, right before I take a test. Even though in reality, if I failed one test,  it really isnt over. It just means study harder. Stay focused. I will admit on my failing part, I didn't really start studying until the day before the test. How's that for setting myself up for failuer?? I guess it really came down to be not being as "studeous" as I should of been...that and the fact of not truely knowing exactly how much information there really was. It was mind-blowing. INUNDATING! I have absolutely no idea how I stayed up all night. Coffee! FEAR! I think that was it ultimately. Fear! It's not a course in which you can just "blow" off so to speak...it counts more than ever.
Beofre you have kids, your motivation just isnt there. I am so certain of that. It seems, to me, that once you have a family, your motivation just kicks itself in the butt and you want it more. I think because you discover how much it means and how incredibly important it is, not just for you but mostly for your kids. My husband supports me ten fold on anything I want to do. He is also the type of guy who is satisfied with what we have and doesn't need all the gold in the world. However, and this is a HUGE however, he also doesn't like to settle in life. He is always wanting to make life better. To continue to strive to be better as an employee, a husband and dad. He hates settling. When it's just the 2 of you, as husband and wife, you tend to make things work. You know what I mean? Once you have kids, you want to give them the world and make sure they have a ton of advantages; such as traveling and seeing the world. Good education. Firm faith in the Lord. You never want them to know what it is to not have food, or electricity or the blessings we encounter everyday. You want the absolute best for them. Which is why I am so hard on myself with grades and school. It means more to me now than ever before...sadly. I should of been this motivated from the get go, I was young and didn't see the true outcome. I do now.
All in all, I didn't fail my test and I passed pretty darn well....for not studying until the day before! Which I can confidently say I will NEVER wait until the  last minute to study. I was a mess...stressed. Literally wanting to pull my hair out. I can surely say that I am not the type to stay up all night. I need sleep. Oh do I need sleep.

let's get on the ball with this already!!

The ever-longing hunt for a house still continues. I am growing oh so weary and my optimism is running out. I don't want to say we are picky, bc by no means are we unreasonable. It's just that every property we come across there is some sort of issue with it or the neighborhood or SOMETHING! Foundation issues, new roofing, odd neighbors, no sense of "family" in the neighborhood, updating...always something. I am so eager to find the right one and I continue to pray that God leads us to the perfect one...so as I say, my optimism is running dry but not completely gone all together.

Monday night dread: Anatomy and Physiology Lab tonight. NOW that I can assure you on my optimism completely DRIED OUT!!!

I suppose now that my little guy is down for a nap, I should be showering or studying. So off I go!

yadda yadda

Who am I again? What is this thing I am writing on?! It has been forever and a day. I always seem to keep coming back to this "place" of getting on top of my game. Write and clear my head. It's really clogged right now with so much stuff, I don't even know where to begin.

First off, Christmas was great, shortly after Christmas, all 3 of us came down with some nasty allergies and colds. For 3 weeks, my whole house was in misery. They, and whoever "they" really is, never prepare you on the sleepless nights and continually breaking out the medicines, thermometers, suctioners, 6 boxes of kleenexes (in ONE weekend), vicks rub, humidifiers, doctors visits and the feeling of quite possibly dying (almost...well nearly...it felt like it for a moment). I can gladly say that is past us. I can't even recall how many times I disinfected this house. OH MY GOSH!

I need to go get dinner started! So there is my short (and hopefully) returing blog, oh how I've missed it!

Stay warm!